My Leadership Solutions

lead·er·ship: not only for those with a fancy title. High doses can lead to success. Side effects include courage and confidence

Workplace Favoritism: Confessions of a Reformed Manager’s Pet

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This is a real account from a person who used to be the manager’s favorite and then went on to display workplace favoritism behaviors herself. She wanted me to share her story, but didn’t want me to reveal her identity. Workplace favoritism refers to when the manager gives the preferential treatment to people he or she likes better for personal reasons rather than to those who perform better.

So I was the favorite. The person who receives special privileges from the manager. I was on the manager’s good side for reasons other than performance (which it took me a long time to admit). We had a lot in common since we’d both attended the same college and had interests in exercise, shopping, and health food. She would come to my desk and start talking to me while ignoring the others and then ask them to pick up the slack during our long lunches.

Being the favorite had a lot of perks. I received the best projects. I even received credit for someone else’s work because the manager asked me to do the editing on it and then rewarded me for it while ignoring the person who’d actually done the work. I’m not proud to say that I didn’t try hard enough to convince her that I wasn’t the one who deserved the credit.

manager's petI started believing that I was better and even started giving the other employees some of my work to do. It was nice knowing that I was appreciated. It made me feel as if my job was secure and nothing could threaten it. I always managed to get my work done, but I spent more time talking to my manager and making sure she kept her favorable impression of me.

I knew that my co-workers were talking about me, and at first, I really didn’t care. I just figured they were jealous. I started coming to work later and leaving earlier. Sometimes, I’d get to work from home, even though the option wasn’t offered to any of the other team members. Even though I knew that I received the best treatment, I convinced myself it was because I was the best performer on the team and deserved it.

It started to bug me that the other team members didn’t want to be around me. When a few of them left the team, I told myself they didn’t fit in anyway. But before I had a chance to really worry, I was promoted. One promotion later and I became a manager myself.

When I started managing a team, without realizing it, I started playing favorites as well. I didn’t see the harm that I was doing until three people left my team within a few months. That was one-third of my team. I knew that things had to change, but didn’t know (or didn’t want to admit) what I was doing wrong. I begged Human Resources to see the exit survey results and they shared them with me (without names).

At first, I was angry to see how my team members perceived me, but then I took a step back and asked Human Resources to design and administer a survey to my remaining team members. I didn’t want to do it myself, because I didn’t want to sway their responses. Sure enough, the responses came back showing how disengaged my team members had become due to my favoritism behaviors.

Then I had a thought that shook me. My favorite may turn into a manager like me someday. I was acting like a horrible manager and role model. I needed to do something to gain the trust of my team, but I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.

Now, a year has gone by since I learned how the team perceived me and I’ve just received my new survey results. There has been an increase in engagement, an increase in team members’ trust in me, and a decrease in my favoritism behaviors. It took a lot of work to get here and I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m getting there. I’ve learned firsthand that it’s a lot easier to start out on the right foot than to go back and try to repair the damage you’ve done. But it can be done. And it’s never too late to start.

The Little Things Make a Big Difference

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V-Day pic

You may love Valentine’s Day or you may hate it or you make just look at it as another day.

To me, Valentine’s Day is not about the cards, flowers, candy, jewelry or any other material item. It’s about showing love and appreciation. Today, I heard many people pointing out that it’s not enough to just show you care on Valentine’s Day; instead, you should be doing it the rest of the year as well. I agree. Valentine’s Day can serve as a great reminder that it’s important to show love and appreciation not just on a certain day, but continually throughout the year.

The same principle applies in the workplace. As a manager, you should be showing employees that you appreciate them throughout the year. Perhaps, you’ve fallen prey to e-mails, meetings and other matters that consume your time and forgotten to give your employees recognition. As a Valentine’s Day gift to you, I’m going to provide you with simple, inexpensive ways to show your employees that you care. These tasks are not time-consuming and should be done on a regular basis. You can even set up a reminder on your calendar to remind you to show appreciation.

If these tips seem simple, that’s because they are. It’s the little things that count. But just remember to do them regularly instead of on just one day a year ; )

  • Say “Thank you for _____” (Fill in blank)
  • Ask them about where they would like to go in their career and how you can help them get there
  • Acknowledge accomplishments by giving specific feedback
  • Set up an anonymous system for providing input and ideas
  • Ask what you can do to make their work lives easier
  • Share and communicate information that affects them
  • Use your body language to demonstrate that you care by smiling when you see them, making eye contact and showing that you’re listening when they’re speaking, and using a friendly tone.
  • Leave a note to say thank you
  • If someone else praises your employees when they’re not around, share the compliments with them
  • Provide rewards for accomplishments
  • Take an employee or your team out to lunch
  • Plan a team activity
  • Encourage your team members to show appreciation to their peers

Are you angry at your job or at yourself?

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I recently had to deal with a manager who was always angry about something.  If it wasn’t about her health or her long commute, it was about how one of her employees used the wrong word during a phone conversation or how her employees didn’t complete a project as quickly as she would have liked (even though she hadn’t provided a deadline).

The first step in changing the situation is acknowledging it and taking accountability. However, she refused to accept personal responsibility for any of her problems.  She started complaining to the Senior Director who advised her to come up with solutions.  This proposal made her angrier, because she couldn’t see solutions, only obstacles.  Her behavior toward her employees became intolerable and she would snap at people who asked for help without even first listening to their questions.

She seemed to blame every source she could find, every source except for herself.  She didn’t turn inward and therefore didn’t realize that the solutions, just like the problems, were internal.  Since she refused to find and acknowledge the true source of her anger, she continued to be angry.

Previously, before she had become consumed by her stress and anger, she had acted like a decent, calm person and had been patient with people at work.  Now, it was as if she had turned into a completely different person and the only way to avoid her wrath was to stay out of her path.

She continued to live on the verge of nervous breakdown until she eventually realized she couldn’t live that way anymore. Eventually, she turned inward. She had wanted to work for herself for a long time and was resentful that she was stuck working for a corporation and commuting up to three hours a day.  She decided to take control of her life and her actions.

Research has shown that high stress can actually change the way that your brain functions. It certainly can also change the way you interact with people. Once she gave her two-week notice, she started being kinder to people.  She even started to look different. Her face wasn’t tense and clenched anymore and her movements were softer and more fluid.  She sighed less and smiled more.

Before you reach the point where your stress and anger is controlling you, take some time to reflect of what’s really making you angry.  Ruining your health by continuing to wallow in your stress isn’t changing your circumstances. It’s hurting you and others around you. Find out the real source of your anger and stress and come up with a plan of action.

It doesn’t cost a thing, but the improvement to your life will be priceless.

Will Your Employees Follow You Off a Cliff?

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There’s a difference between having loyal employees who believe in you and the company vision and having people who follow because they don’t want to make waves or get into trouble.  It’s important for employees to believe in the organization’s mission and goals and to want to help reach those goals.  But following blindly can lead to big problems.

You may be thinking that it’s great that everyone agrees with what you’re saying.  However, it could mean that they don’t care enough or are afraid to speak up.  Typically, strong emotions are linked with strongly believing in something.  It’s much easier for someone who doesn’t care to sit back and watch the organization go down the wrong path than to speak up and risk disapproval or discipline.

A company that I worked with had a CEO who did not like to hear about the reasons that people were leaving.  This company was experiencing extremely high turnover, which was costing thousands of dollars every month, yet he didn’t want to know the feedback that employees gave in the exit surveys.

As difficult as it may be for you to listen to information that goes against what you believe, it’s important that you do it.  If not for yourself, do it for your company.

You may feel as if you’re opening yourself up to listen to complaints and arguments on a daily basis, but you can set up the situation so this is not the case.  Encourage people to offer solutions when they come to you to express their concerns.  Set aside a time each week when people can come and discuss these issues with you.  Ask them, “What is the problem?”  “How is it affecting the business or how will it affect the business in the future?”  “What are potential solutions?”  In addition to encouraging people to talk to you about concerns, also provide an anonymous way for people to share information.

During team meetings, ask someone to act as a devil’s advocate and ask the tough questions.  Employees are going to observe how you react when they do give you information or ideas that challenge the status quo.  How you handle this information is going to play a big role in whether or not they choose to continue to give you this type of information.  Thank the person when they give you the information.  If it makes you angry or emotional, take yourself out of the situation and then revisit it after you have calmed down.

It’s much better to be a leader that can listen to what employees are saying and use it to lead people to great heights than to tune out everyone’s opinions and lead people off a cliff.